Getting Ghosted

How to respond to the inevitable silent rejection.

Sep 22, 2025

“There is nothing like being ghosted by an 18-year-old to make you wonder what you are doing with your life,” remarked my new friend Gabe Bouch as I drove him to the airport after his Where Is God event on campus this week.

We laughed because it is an experience we are all too familiar with: connecting with a student, only to have them vanish after months of regular contact. As frustrating as it might be, it comes with the territory of making disciples. Jesus himself was no stranger to sudden rejection from those he had invested in.

The question is, what do we do with that? This post is a more personal reflection on some of the prayers I have prayed over the years that help me wrestle with the inevitable setbacks.

Confront the temptation to harden my heart

One of the most common prayers I return to is: “Lord, protect me from a hard and bitter heart towards people.” In other words, protect me from cynicism. Admitting that I am tempted to harden my heart helps me recognize the pain while also acknowledging that only Jesus’ grace can keep me serving with a soft heart. I am nothing without his strength.

We are called to serve and make disciples even when we face rejection or when our investment does not pan out as we hoped.

Confront my idol of success

A question I often ask myself is: “If all I ever did was make disciples quietly in my neighbourhood for the rest of my life, would I be satisfied if Jesus asked me to do that?” Like most people, I long to be someone important, to make a significant impact with my life.

But my days are not mine to order. Jesus determines my path. When I grow frustrated with my lack of success, it reveals that I am not content with what the Lord has already given me. Paul’s reminder in 1 Timothy 6 lands heavily:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.”

Yes, we should evaluate fruitfulness and effectiveness in our ministry. But more often than I like to admit, I grow impatient with slow progress and make an idol of expediency.

Rely on like-minded friends

Choosing to remind myself of the friends God has given me has been an important part of the journey. Like Elijah in 1 Kings 19, I can convince myself that I am all alone and throw a pity party. Yet the truth is that the Lord’s faithful are everywhere, and my self-pity denies the goodness of God and the ways he is moving through his people.

I am blessed with dear friends who are just as committed to making disciples as I am. I get to see them every day, and we share both the ups and the downs. The shared wins and losses remind us that it is the grace of Jesus that saves people, not our particular effectiveness.

The Scriptures

It sounds obvious, but I find tremendous solace in the lives of the New Testament writers. Paul’s letters, in particular, highlight in deeply personal ways the same struggles I wrestle with.

We too easily normalize success, since that is what inspires us. Yet the New Testament is full of painful setbacks, failures, and relational breakdowns. I take comfort in knowing that even if I am ghosted, there are thousands of years of history behind the reality that Jesus is building his church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.