Intentional Proximity
How far are we willing to go?
We talk a lot about “intentional proximity” as a church, and I’ve written about it a fair bit. But the lengths to which we are willing to go, and the rationale behind it, still warrant some explanation.
The last few weeks have been especially hectic for a few of us in leadership in our church, myself included. This past weekend, we moved homes by selling our house to one of our key leaders, Melanie, who had been living just outside one of our primary neighbourhoods.
My wife and I had been feeling a need to make a shift for our family for about eight months, but had struggled to figure out how to apply it. After inviting our leadership team to pray and discern with us, and after a period of fasting on my behalf, we felt that we should try to sell our house to Melanie so that she could be closer to our church family and our mission field—despite only being a few minutes away as it was.
I’ve often reflected on Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of John 1 when he says, “The Word became flesh and moved into the neighbourhood.” It’s a brilliant rendition in some ways because it captures the heart of God so well: to be in intentional proximity with His people.
Why is proximity so important?
1. Spontaneity
It takes a long time and a lot of effort to build meaningful relationships. By my observation, it takes at least five years to really get to a place of substance. One of the essential ingredients is spontaneity. We need to be bumping into each other.
Sometimes these bumps are literal, as when I gave my friend Paula a high five as she ran past our house last week—or figurative, as we naturally interact with each other.
These small touchpoints are more valuable than we realize in speaking to our often pervasive sense of loneliness. When people in our church move into the neighbourhood, they often remark how much more relationally integrated they feel. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. When people are not in the neighbourhood and the unplanned touchpoints are eliminated, the relational connection drops off precipitously.
2. Eliminating Barriers
A ten-minute car drive is not a huge deal, except that it is. To get into a car, drive, find parking, and navigate to a friend’s house is a bigger barrier than we realize, as it requires access to a vehicle, a pre-made plan, and likely an invitation.
In Canada, where the winters are long and the weather is terrible much of the time, these barriers can amount to a blockade on our relationships.
This elimination of barriers makes it far easier to coordinate planned get-togethers and unplanned ones alike. Running a meal over, popping by for a coffee, or meeting up to pray together is easy.
3. Shared Support
Missional living is hard. By living in community, often in shared housing, no person should be walking alone through the challenges of life. This includes a whole host of support: moving, childcare, yard maintenance, cleaning, games, discipleship, and everything in between.
When we are close together, it’s much easier to support each other in moments of need.
4. Proximity to Mission
In our church, proximity to mission is often the primary discussion point for moving into the neighbourhood. But we’ve learned that proximity to each other is actually more important in many ways. If our relationships are strong, and our mission is clear, then we will find a way to reach the people God is calling us to. However, if our relationships are not strong, then the sustainability of mission is called into question.
For example, we’ve had people living on opposite sides of the same campus. But because of the distance between them, they’ve struggled to connect. We’ve found that by being close to each other, even if it means being farther from campus, both the church family and engagement in mission are strengthened.
So, what lengths are we willing to go to foster intentional proximity?
Entangling Personal Finances
This might seem crazy, but we have often deeply integrated our personal finances. For example: non-biological families buying together, mixed rentals with homeowners, strategic rentals with a bunch of girls or guys, and often leaving a room open on purpose so that we can host people intentionally.
Our most recent house sale was based on what Melanie could afford for our house, and to a lesser degree, what our house was worth. While we worked to make sure it was fair on both sides, ultimately the motivation was communal blessing, not maximal financial return.
Did I make the most amount of money on my house? Probably not, but neither did Melanie on her sale. Does it matter? Not really. From an eternal perspective, we will both reap a beautiful reward as a bunch of people have moved into the neighbourhood!
Scary Patience
Housing can be a stressful subject. In almost every case—and I’m speaking from experience—there seems to be a test of our faith, as the provision of the right house often comes at the last moment. It’s tempting to try to solve the problem with a less-than-ideal solution instead of waiting for the right location.
Almost every person I know who has made a missional move was required to trust the Lord in scary ways. It seems that the way of the Lord is to invite Him into the process and then actually have to trust Him to make a way. And yet, He does make a way!
A note: this doesn’t mean we are foolish or don’t put the work in to make wise and strategic decisions. Rather, it means that we trust that our hard work and His provision will make a way as we walk in step with His leading.
Going “Backwards”
One of my good friends couldn’t afford to buy a house in our neighbourhood, but they could afford to rent. So they sold their home—at a loss, in fact—and then rented a basement apartment in our neighbourhood.
That’s not “how it’s supposed to go.” He has said to me many times that it was one of the best decisions they ever made. The strength of their faith and relationships has dramatically improved as a result.
If our only metric is to move upwards in life, and home ownership can be a real idol here, we may be missing the tremendous potential.
Choose the Lesser Option
Often the home near church is not our preferred style, format, or level of luxury. However, it’s worth taking a hit on personal preferences if it means we can be relationally strengthened.
There is a heavenly irony in this: I sold a beautiful house to move near our church family, and bought a student house that I spent a lot of energy updating so that it felt like home. We sold that house to Melanie, and the Lord opened a door for us to buy a beautiful home near our mission and our church family—far more than we ever imagined! The Lord appears to have really honoured our faithfulness over these last eight years of using our home.
This isn’t just our story. I’ve seen God’s hand of blessing on those who have trusted Him.
My encouragement today is to make the missional decision that will best serve your church family and the mission. In the long run, it will be by far the best investment you could ever make.