Marriage teamwork
The keys to fruitfulness in disciple making and a healthy family life.
I often joke that I met my wife at church, at university, or at a bar—depending on which version of the story I want to emphasize. Eighteen years ago, my now-wife, Laura, joined our fledgling church plant while we were both still students. At the time, our church gatherings were held in the campus bar; so my comment about church, school, and a bar is true—albeit a bit misleading.
Over these nearly two decades, Laura has been my best friend, my most crucial ministry partner, and my co-labourer in Christ. Together, we co-lead LIFT Church in an official capacity, but our partnership runs far deeper than our title.
Along the way, we have discipled students, coached couples, conducted weddings, and witnessed more relationships and marriages come—and, sadly, go—than I can count. In the midst of it all, we have discovered that the commitment to co-vocational ministry in a marriage is a gift that benefits the marriage and the Kingdom.
The building blocks of a co-vocational marriage.
Marriage in any ministry context has its benefits and challenges. Whether you are professionally trained, a lay minister, volunteer, or co-vocational, we believe that:
Marriage exists for Christ’s glory, not our comfort.
In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul urges both singles and married couples to live with the same intensity and focus: making Christ known. This passage is often discussed in the context of singleness, but Paul is applying it equally to those who are married.
As a result, marriage has a purpose bigger than itself. It exists to serve the Kingdom of Jesus and to make disciples. Everything we do as a couple is centred on that mission. This perspective is a tremendous gift. On difficult days—when marriage feels like work, when we are stretched thin—our commitment to something greater than ourselves keeps us anchored.
Couples must have a shared mission and values.
Marriages are not sustained by interpersonal chemistry or even shared interests. A healthy marriage needs a stronger, more secure foundation to be healthy. Even something as beautiful as raising children is not a stable enough mission to sustain a marriage for the long-haul. By building our marriage around serving Christ and making disciples, we are investing in something bigger than us that will outlast us.
Our purpose isn’t just an abstract idea; it’s a daily, practical reality that we live out alongside our church family. We serve the Kingdom together as a couple within a covenantal church community where others are called to the same mission. This means we are aligned on where we are going and how we get there.
What does it mean to share the mission practically?
We share the load at home. We both take responsibility for our home—meals, chores, kids’ routines, jobs, and ministry activities. We are homemakers, ministers, teachers, disciplers, and parents together.
We almost always travel together. Most of our ministry is conducted side by side. While not a rule, we prioritize ministering together whenever possible. Laura is not a tag-along; she is an equal participant. Likewise, at home, I am an equal contributor to the household.
We cover for each other when one of us is out. Sometimes, our ministry activities require one of us to be away. In those cases, we understand that both of us are still engaged in ministry—one at home with the kids and the other elsewhere.
We sacrifice our preferences for the mission and for each other. Because we share the same mission and values, we approach sacrifices from the same starting point. This means we are aligned on emotional, financial, and physical investments in our disciples and church family.
These patterns have shaped our marriage across different seasons—whether we were both employed full-time outside the church, working within it, parenting, or navigating life’s transitions.
One of the most significant lessons we’ve learned is that couples must carry the ministry load together. When one spouse is deeply invested while the other remains uninvolved, the marriage inevitably becomes divided.
The Gold Standard: Priscilla and Aquila
Priscilla and Aquila, the New Testament couple, have been our reference point throughout our marriage. They served, worked, ministered, and discipled together as true partners.
This co-laboring has brought us several key benefits:
Ministry doesn’t compete with our marriage. Instead, they are beautifully interconnected because our marriage serves the Kingdom.
Our marriage is protected. Serving together keeps us from pulling in opposite directions.
We carry the burdens equally. Ministry and leadership can be painful, but we share in the struggles and victories.
Our home is a place of ministry. Rather than a private retreat, our home is an extension of our mission, which helps us navigate potential conflicts about how to use the home with a shared purpose. (See previous post.)
The Challenges
Of course, marriage in the context of co-vocational ministry isn’t without its difficulties. Communication, collaboration, and conflict resolution are skills we continually refine, just like everyone else. As spouses, we often see the world differently and working together closely can magnify those differences. Navigating them well takes practice, patience, and grace. I’ll write a post just on the challenges, soon.
The Reward
Despite the challenges, co-vocational ministry as a married couple has been one of the greatest and most rewarding blessings of our lives. We are deeply grateful for the call to serve together—for the joys, the struggles, and the Kingdom impact we get to pursue side by side.
(…Yes, I mentioned that we have kids. Stay tuned for next week’s post on parenting in a co-vocational context!)