Parenting on Mission
Raising kids in a missional context is a win-win for everyone.
A while back, I promised a follow-up piece on some of the challenges and realities of parenting in a highly missional context. Here it is.
Is it really possible to raise healthy kids while living a life of radical mission? Yes. Jesus invites us to see that children are not an impediment to a big mission; they are a beautiful part of it.
This week was another one of our “everyone weeks,” when our whole church engages in evangelism. Personally, I had a great time heading out with friends. We had four fantastic conversations with two Sikhs, a nominal Catholic, and an ex-Jehovah’s Witness. My 8-year-old daughter had gone out the night before with my wife and her group of friends. She was disappointed to miss out on more.
Our biological children are never sacrificed for the sake of mission. It is human zeal for progress that sacrifices kids, not the heart of God. When children are integrated into the mission, they thrive. A church family on mission to make disciples creates a rich environment for them to grow.
Here are a few things we’ve noticed along the journey:
1. Kids Thrive When They Are Included
We bring our kids along for the ride. They are part of our all-in, highly relational way of life. But they are not just passengers. They are contributors to the life and ministry of our home and church. Beyond joy, vibrancy, and creative ideas, children are often eager to serve directly.
Kids help others feel welcome, create a relaxed atmosphere, and make gatherings feel more like home. When they are present, the tone shifts to something more authentic and familial.
Even when my son was just three years old, I would take him downtown with other families in our church to serve the unhoused. He helped people feel seen. In the process, he was learning to value people regardless of their life stage. I was also getting focused time with him and building trust. It was a win-win.
2. Parenting Teamwork Is Essential
One of our key convictions is that married couples must labour together. While our core discipleship communities (Simple Churches) are single-gender for the sake of focused discipleship, our married couples still carry equal mantles of leadership. It is vital that spouses share a commitment to a life of mission.
This is important for any marriage, but once children arrive, it becomes critical. I believe the biblical image of being equally yoked refers not only to being united in Christ, but also to co-labouring in ministry.
The scheduling challenges of a highly missional life are real, especially when both spouses are working and serving bi-vocationally, as most of our families do. If spouses are not aligned, supportive, and willing to sacrifice for each other and the mission, the mission will quickly become a source of conflict.
When we labour as a team, taking turns with responsibilities like cooking, dishes, bedtime, school engagements, sports and household chores, we are able to encourage each other and create a sense of unity and momentum that cannot be manufactured by constantly negotiating fairness.
3. A Simple Schedule Is Vital
Modern family life is far too demanding. Between school, sports, hobbies, and programs, many families have no margin for mission, deep relationships, or rest.
Sociologist Jonathan Haidt has written at length about how this overscheduling contributes to the anxious generation. But beyond mental health, this pace of life prevents kids and adults from forming meaningful relationships in the church.
We are highly selective about which programs our kids join. We want to make sure they have time at home to rest, time with church family on mission, and space to develop new skills. My wife and I often discuss and adjust this balance. There is no fixed formula, but we tend to choose a few strong “yeses” and avoid filling every gap in the calendar.
4. Families Need Shared Values
We have worked hard to keep the families in our church aligned in mission and values. Many of the things we do are not convenient for families, but they are fruitful for the mission. For example, our church gatherings take place in the late afternoon or evening. While this can be inconvenient for younger children, it allows us to serve university students more effectively.
The nuclear family is a tremendous gift from God and central to His design for human flourishing. But it is not the whole picture. We believe that children are healthiest when they are part of a broader church family that shares the same purpose and vision.
Every Wednesday evening, for instance, our families gather to share a meal and disciple our kids together. These times strengthen friendships and create a consistent context for spiritual formation.
Shared values allow us to support one another, encourage each other, and share the responsibilities of parenting across the church.
5. It Is Real Work
My mom always says, “When you wake up as a parent, you have to put your work boots on.” Parenting is hard work, no matter what model you follow. But I believe a mission-centric life, though sacrificial, actually makes parenting easier. Why? Because there is a wider, more committed support network around you.
In practical terms, we encourage shared housing wherever possible. Almost all of our families live with someone outside their biological family. This might sound radical, but it is a powerful parenting strategy. The adult-to-child ratio improves, and there is often an extra set of eyes, hands, and hearts to help.
My wife and I have had a missionary from our church living with us for five years. While we do not delegate parenting or babysitting to her, her presence provides us with meaningful support and our kids with an extra, invested, listening ear. It has been a huge blessing.
6. What We Win People With, We Win Them To
In North America, the playbook for starting a successful church often includes Sunday-centric programs with high-quality children’s ministry. This model usually attracts nominal or disaffected Christians, especially in suburban settings.
But there is a serious danger here. We risk winning people to a consumeristic model of church, where the key question becomes, “What will my kids get out of this?” instead of “What is the mission of Jesus, and how can we contribute?”
This trend reflects a broader cultural issue: many families idolize their children. Churches often accommodate this by catering to families rather than calling families to lay their lives down for the sake of the gospel.
Rather than making our kids the mission, we can invite them into something greater: serving the Kingdom of Jesus. This reason to live may be the greatest gift we can give our children.
7. Still Learning
Of course, we still have much to learn:
How do we navigate an education system shaped by a very different set of values?
How do we handle discipline across different personalities and parenting styles?
What are the things we do not even know we are missing?
We are trying to take a humble and open posture as our community grows together.