When Friends are sent: The Painful Joy of Sending

Learning to hold both the joy and pain of multiplying churches.

This week was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. As I travelled around to our different church plant locations, which are increasingly far apart, I was blessed to see many dear friends in person who I usually do not get to spend much time with these days. Although I was there to assist with evangelism, it was wonderful simply to soak up time together.

A Transition at Home

To close out the week, our housemate began to move out. For almost five years, she has lived with us and been part of our home for the majority of our children’s lives. She serves in our church as a missionary and has been a vital part of our family, both in the broader sense of the church and in the personal sense of our household.

She is moving just down the street into another house she hopes to use for hosting and disciple-making. Meanwhile, we are not planning to fill her space in our home immediately. In the next year, we will be sending church plants to new cities that are much farther away, and we want to keep space available for friends to stay when they return to visit or come back from time on mission.

Our housemate’s move brought into sharp focus a painful reality. Many of my closest friends will be moving away to start new churches. I long for them to stay, yet for the sake of the Gospel, they must go.

The Tension of Togetherness and Sentness

This is the central tension of church planting: deep relationships lived in intentional proximity and the call to go where the church has not yet reached. I often describe this as the two opposing forces of the Church: togetherness and sentness. We are invited to gather, but we are also commanded to go.

This tension is woven throughout Scripture. I resonate deeply with Paul when he writes in Romans 1, “I long to be with you,” yet circumstances prevented him. The church in Acts 2 and 4 experienced a beautiful community, but in Acts 8 they were scattered by persecution. Without that scattering, why would anyone have wanted to leave?

The Cost of Church Planting

Church planting is costly, emotionally, financially, logistically, and personally. Every time we plant a church, I give up personal freedom to support it, embrace new logistical challenges, and endure the pain of saying goodbye to dear friends. The pain is obviously not just felt by me, but by everyone in our community to differing degrees. My daughter expressed to me recently, “Why do my best friends always have to leave to start new churches?” My father’s heart aches at that question.

It is also costly organizationally. Our most seasoned, capable, and fruitful leaders are often the very ones sent to plant. When they leave, the gaps they create are real and sometimes take months or even years to fill.

It would be easy to romanticize the church planting process, but there is no glory in it for us. Even within the small world of church planting, recognition pales in comparison to the cost. The only foundation for planting churches is obedience to Christ’s command to go and make disciples.

If we are serious about planting, it must be out of obedience, not because it is exciting. And the more we plant, the harder it becomes, not easier.

Staying the Course

Given these challenges, how do we stay the course?

Missional Clarity

We are called to make disciples and send people to those who have not heard. Sending is not optional—it is central to being the Church.

Organizational Priority

We will always support a qualified leader who desires to be sent, even when it causes great pain. If we only send when it is easy, where is our faith?

Deep Relationships

Our relationships within the church family matter deeply. Paradoxically, sending out our closest friends makes it even more important to invest in those bonds. Deep relationships help us endure the pain of planting.

Visits of Encouragement

We encourage our churches to visit each other whenever possible, bringing encouragement and blessing.

Spaces to Come Together

We intentionally create opportunities to be together, through guest houses, retreats, and a church-wide calendar that prioritizes shared time.

Remember Eternity

All of this is temporary. The pain of sending today pales in comparison to the joy of eternity together in Christ.